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B.M.’S Gift

“I love farting in children’s faces. It toughens them up and builds character. I think they like it, too. They want to be toughened up.”

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About Red Burtley

I am Red Burtley. This site is dedicated to my adventures during my career as a Private Investigator. I will post these stories as they come to pass. Thank you for visiting and I hope enjoy what you see here. God bless, Red Feel free to e-mail me at: redburtley@gmail.com Follow me on Twitter!

Book One Of The Madison Avenue Trilogy

When we were young, we had “Our Thing,” our little “Cosa Nostra,” like we were some kind of little Mafioso. We had everything back then and it was great. We had everyone in our back pockets doing what we told them to do. We had the street, the neighborhood, the town. We had the ice cream man, the newspaper boy, the landscaper and even a few babysitters. We had it all. We were such a fine group of go-getters.

There was me, Jimmy, Tony Valacchi, Franky Corleone, “Tiny Penis” Vitale, Teflon Don, Freddy “Three Balls” Fazio, Michael Maloney, Salvatore “The Zit” Greco, Phil Rizzuto from The Money Store, “No Dick” Larry, Mario Valancio, me (again), Donnie Brasco, Sonny Balducci, Harry Testicles and of course, the Irishman, “Butt Cheeks” McGillicuddy.

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Latest Stories

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A good friend of mine asked me to find a safe-deposit box key that his late mother had stowed away in her childhood home. Dooly asked me to commit to this investigation before I was allowed to ask any questions. Curious as a monkey, I agreed to his demands. Dooly’s mother passed away a few … Continue reading Helene the Hoarder-And the Secret of the Not-So-Magic Key

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Helene the Hoarder-And the Secret of the Not-So-Magic Key

30, Jun, 2015

A good friend of mine asked me to find a safe-deposit box key that his late mother had stowed away in her childhood home. Dooly asked me to commit to this investigation before I was allowed to ask any questions...

Read More

The Great Fraud of Doctor Chang

30, Jun,

I had been getting a lot of reports that a doctor in town had been making false diagnoses in order to write up... Read More

Missing: Impossible – The Case of the Missing Brother

30, Jun,

“Was he wearing any pants?” I asked. “Was he wearing pants?” she repeated. “Why wouldn’t he be wea... Read More

Bigfoot, The Horrible

30, Jun, 2015

Bigfoot, the Horrible   “He had a horrible smell,” the man said, describing his Bigfoot encounter.  ... Read More

Hollywood’s Greatest Action Hero Loses His Money

30, Jun,

While I was observing my surroundings, a man came up to me and asked, “Are you Red Burtley?” “Yes, I am,... Read More

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